It’s getting hard…

Today, I had a w2 appointment.  Yes, I am now that desperate!  I haven’t gotten unemployment (it was denied) or disability (haven’t been unemployed long enough), so this is now my only option for income, besides the measly $54.46 in child support.  And do you know what they told me?  That because of my job record I can’t even get a cash payment on my job search until after 30 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Not only that, but if and when they do start helping me, the State of Wisconsin gets to take 25% of my child support!  How is one supposed to get ahead when all the doors are closing?!  I haven’t been this depressed in a long time.  Worst part?  I get to watch my sister in law, who sits her ass at home and leeches off my brother for money get w2 without having to find a job and disability right away!  UGH 😦  What did I do to deserve this crap?!  As for me, I don’t care, but my kids are suffering.  Maybe not right now because I still have $500 stashed for an apartment, but what if I have to use it?  W2 is telling me I would have to go their offices (15 miles away) for 30 hours a week for a month before they help me.  That’s fine, I agree because they also provide classes, but who is going to pay my gas?  And what about doctor appointments?  Kids’ school events?  Errands?  I’m not going to have time or money for that.  How do other lazy asses do it???  I don’t get it.  I have been a responsible hard working individual up to now.  I lost my job and I get no help.  Yet others have never worked a day in their life and sit around and still make it.  Where did I go wrong???  I haven’t told anyone about the appointment, I am tired of talking about what a broke ass I have become.  So that is why I am writing it here.

Oh, since my last post I did after all move to Beloit.  My brother is letting me stay with him and his family in the meantime.  I was behind on the rent at my old place and there was nothing I could do to pay it.  So I left Milwaukee, my home for the last 23 years.  But it’s a good thing I did; the kids are much happier at their new schools, and they are happy to have their family close to them again.  Me, not so much.  I have no space for my things, the tv’s are constantly blaring, my nephews are not disciplined correctly (I’m not great at follow up either, but GEEZ!), and my family constantly insults me and makes comments about how I should have found a job and a place by now.  I’m trying, I’ve gone to see a couple apartments so far but why should I keep looking if I don’t have the money to put down anyway??

And as far as a job…  I have submitted my application to umpteen places and only gotten several responses – and most of those were generic no-reply emails just to confim they got my resume.  I had an interview yesterday, for a front desk assistant at a hotel, but the hours suck – 3p-11p most days, with some 11p-7a sometimes.  And I didn’t even get the feeling the manager even liked me.  But that could be the depression talking.  I don’t know.

So…  I am tired of all this.  If it wasn’t for my kids loving me, I don’t even think I would be alive right now…